Dire Shortage of Homeland Security Reading List Analysts

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After winning a tough legal battle for access to the library records of suspected terrorists, the Department of Homeland Security has been unable to recruit a sufficient number of agents qualified to analyze them. "The people who apply for jobs here are not generally familiar with the names of radical political theorists let alone the significance of their various works," said outgoing Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. On a recent test, for example, 100% of applicants picked Alan Greenspan as the author of Das Kapital. "We used to count that kind of ignorance as a plus," Ridge said, “but many new forms of dual use literature developed by our enemies, such as subversive comic books and web-based political satire, have greatly complicated the task of prying into people’s reading habits.