George W. Bush Vows to Win "War on Puberty " In Second Term

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Bush launches preemptive invasion of privacy 

Public high schools across the country are going to have to start teaching classes in sexual abstinence if they expect federal funding from the new Bush administration as part of an initiative dubbed the "War on Puberty." At a ceremony introducing the program's mascot, an animated teenager named Cherry Chastity, President Bush quipped: "I never understood the point of sex education personally; my kids already had too much of that when they got to high school." Other weapons anticipated in the War on Puberty are a modern version of the chastity belt produced by DynCorp that works like a modified stun gun and webcams prominently placed in bathroom stalls.

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